Lo feliz que es la vida

Have you ever wanted to stay in a place so badly while at the same time
just wanting to leave as badly? Christmas Day was exactly like that.
I woke up for the first time not quite excited to find the Christmas
Pickle or open presents. I just wanted to get that part over. Mom and
dad just wanted to make Christmas special for us, but I was still
surprised that they didn?t understand that the presents didn?t mean
anything to me. The issue was, I think, that I didn?t have anything
for them. I guess Aubrey was their present, but I had other ideas of
things they would enjoy that I just couldn?t afford to get them on top
of her plane ticket. I wanted to finish with the presents, things I
already couldn?t fit in my overstuffed luggage, and get to the
breakfast part where I could just BE with them. Our time together
passed quickly and then we were running to the airport. Saying goodbye
was very different for me this time. Normally I leave for ten days at
the least, six weeks at the most ? always with the intention of coming
home. This time, however ? and I don?t think I made this clear to
anybody ? I am in Europe trying to find out if this is the life that I
want. I want to see if there is something here for me. I struggled to
choke back tears ? because even though I am an incredibly loving
person, I am also almost perpetually happy. Crying doesn?t go well with
my light eyes and flush-prone skin. I made leave of my parents as
quickly as I was able. I had replaced by tears with agitation and I
didn?t want that to be their memory of me. I?ve always been a nervous
flier. Not nervous of the flight, more nervous of what I?m leaving
behind and if what I find in Europe will be worth leaving what I left.

The flights passed without much action. I didn?t make anybody?s
acquaintance, the food wasn?t incredibly delicious, I wasn?t
comfortable. Actually, this is quite atypical for me. I always talk
to people, I am one of the few who actually thinks that airplane food
is incredible, and I sleep like a baby.

But sooner rather than later, I arrived in Madrid and my
apprehensiveness began to get the best of me. Would I even be able to
understand my friends? Would they make fun of me for not
understanding? Would they have grown tired of a girl who always comes
around and hangs in the background until it?s time to go to Vendetta?
Would Beni and I be back on track after the hiatus last time when he
had his amigovia and his American fling? To delay things, I agreed
with Aubrey when she suggested taking the normal bus rather than the
one that takes us straight there.

I began the trip by listening to my comfort music and eventually
switched to my Spanish music as my fear got the better of me and I
sought any way possible to immerse myself, however futilely, before I
was thrown to the wolves.

Lolo picked us up from the bus station and we went back to his house.
Already ashamed at my lack of comprehension, I retreated to the safety
of my room and showered, hoping that the hot water would wash away my
nervousness. When I got back downstairs, while my latent fear was
still there, someone else was waiting on the couch. My elation at
seeing Beni on the couch quickly dissipated as I couldn?t understand a
word coming out of his mouth. (Well, I?m exaggerating. I understood,
but my ability to respond was so rusty that I was just sitting there
with a big, goofy smile on my face.) I was just happy to be there,
with my sister and people that I cared so much about.

Who am I kidding? I needed my liquid courage and so I took to guzzling
my wine as the conversation buzzed around me. Eventually, it was time
to start getting ready to go out, so we starting playing ?La Ruleta de
la Muerte? ? our version of Circle of Death. When the wine ran out, we
switched to rum, when the rum ran out, we switched to whiskey.
Needless to say, I passed an amazing night of dancing in Vendetta
followed by an excellently executed plan on Beni?s part of getting me
alone. I should have known that ?Aubrey can ride with Lolo and I?ll
take you home, too? actually means, ?But first, let me show you this
dead end? maybe we can park the car here for a little bit? see what
happens.? Not that I objected, but after Beni finally realized that my
limit and his limit were different, it was time to head home. I snuck
upstairs, hoping Aubrey wouldn?t notice my late entry and fell asleep
in exhausted contentment. The next couple of days Aubrey and I
existed like vampires haunting the night streets of Trujillo. We would
wake up around six in the evening, have a snack and return to our beds
before waking up in time to go get some cañas and go out.

Finally, we decided to change our routine a little bit and when we woke
up, we dragged ourselves out of bed and began the route to visit
friends and family. Whenever I visit my family, I am always hesitant.
Toto and Conchy are always so hard to understand. But I held my own
and after seeing Pili, Conchy and Victoria, Aubrey and I had lunch and
dinner plans for the upcoming week. Thank goodness because we were
surviving on the groceries that Maricarmen had brought over and our
cooking lacked when compared with my mother?s prowess.

My throat was screaming for respite from the smoke and alcohol so
Monday and Tuesday we kept things pretty low key. The plan was for
Lolo, Aubrey, Luis, Beni and I to drive to Cáceres for a movie one
night. Then Luis bailed. And then Beni said he?d call later. As
departure time neared, Lolo asked me what was up and I said I?d talked
to Beni ? that he was sleeping and said he?d call later. So we got
into the car, Aubrey and I both disappointed that our churris weren?t
coming along. And then we drove in the opposite direction from the
typical route to Cáceres? towards Beni?s house, WHAT? My heart skips a
beat. Is Beni coming along and my Spanish that bad that I thought
?I?ll call you later? actually meant ?See you soon?? But Beni wasn?t
there. He was at work. Disappointed again, I thought we were on our
way to the movies. Then we stopped again. I looked out the window in
dismay. We were at Beni?s work! I hid my face in shame as Beni got
out of the car and walked over to us. I wouldn?t even look at him
until we pulled away and then I gave him an embarrassed look filled
with anguish. Aubrey told me not to worry, but my night was ruined.
My whole thing with Beni is that both of us realize that we?re just
having fun. I don?t want to be the clingy girl who has people try to
con him into coming out with me. And the movie was a mierda. And
Aubrey was PMSing. So, basically, Lolo was there with one heartsick
girl and one girl mortified beyond the ability to speak. What a drag,
huh?

Then, New Years Eve arrived. My first in another country. And I was
so excited to make it an incredible night! We woke up with no time to
break our fast or to have some lunch, so on an empty stomach, we headed
to La Cumbre. I met Isa, Beni, and Marcos? dad for the first time, but
beyond that, I spent my time talking with Aubrey. Once again, it?s not
because I?m so bad at Spanish, but it?s because now they are talking at
a higher level? or maybe lower? They aren?t using the words that I
learned in school ? rather replacing them with new words that I?ve
never heard before. Essentially, I?ve been rendered a dumb mute as I
sit there and try to catch at least one in seven words that they are
saying. Needless to say, cañas in La Cumbre were a pretty pathetic way
to start the day. Fortunately, we left and headed back to La Cumbre
and to La Paseta. Isa, Aubrey and I were the first to arrive but
pretty soon the whole pandilla showed up ? this time with Luis, Villa,
and Jose Luis. And thank God! Villa and Jose always talk at my level
with me, so this time at least I could be the chatter box that I
normally am in the US. And even Luis finds talking to me humorous, so
I had another person to converse with. Happy once again, Villa, Lolo,
Aubrey and I left a little early to go visit the grandmothers. At the
first house, we drank liquor-filled chocolates and at the second house
toasted in the New Year with champagne. Since Lolo and Villa had
gotten to visit their extended families, Aubrey and I demanded that we
go to visit our families. We stop by Conchy?s first. I?m drunk, but
still quiet. Aubrey?s drunk and makes it obvious. Toto thought Aubrey
was so funny, but as my family is a lot more laid back, Aubrey quickly
excused herself to head down to 27 Gabriel y Galán. Conchy had talked
to us about the Nochevieja customs earlier ? we had known we were going
to be having dinner with a family, eating 12 grapes at midnight, and
then heading out to celebrate. What we didn?t know was that one
tradition was to wear red lingerie. I was at quite a loss, because I
didn?t have anything red or anything that resembled ?lingerie? but
Concy came to the rescue. She had bought both of us some red tangas so
we would go into the New Year with luck on our side.

Then we went home for my first authentic New Years with family. Well,
maybe not quite authentic. They had to change the menu a little to
accommodate to vegetarian Americans, but the changes were perfect! I
felt like I was at a restaurant. Appetizers were waiting on the tables
? vegetarian and meat options ? followed by unending bottles of wine,
merluza and desert. I hadn?t been eating too much during this vacation
and after HOURS of drinking cañas and copas throughout the day, I
didn?t think I could fit much in my stomach. But my eyes got the
better of me, and my stomach groaned contentedly as I shoveled desert
that in too.

After I excused myself to arreglarme and returned downstairs, it was
time to watch the ?ball drop? and we toasted with champagne. But,
there was an addition to my New Year routine. Each gong of the clock
signified one grape that I needed to consume. Fortunately, I had taken
the seeds out prior to the New Year, so it was actually pretty easy.

Soon after, Mamen, Aubrey and I headed out to see if anything was going
on yet. We went to Abadía once more to beg for last minute tickets
unsuccessfully before heading to Vendetta to begin the nightly ritual.
The only two people I knew in there, besides Adolfo and Kinito were
Barbara and Antonio. We talked for about forty-five minutes ? enough
time for me to actually question if Trujillans partied to usher in the
New Year ? and then a massive influx of people occurred.

I was having a blast dancing and talking with everybody. My glass was
never empty, and many times I had to refuse when people offered to buy
me a drink. Refuse? Yes! And I?m pretty glad I did, seeing how the
night ended for Aubrey.

Around 3 am I was talking with a group of people and decided if I was
gonna make it to the bathroom without being in dire pain waiting in
line, it would be time to go now. So I motioned to the group that I
was leaving. Beni grabbed my hand and asked me where I was going. It
was so loud I motioned again. I think he thought it meant I was going
outside ? and that I wanted him to come with me. Alright, not quite my
plan, but it was a good one so I let him lead me outside into the fresh
air. After about ten minutes of awesome besos, things started to heat
up and I had to stop. It was like 2 years ago all over again. ?No,
Beni. I can?t. The only reason I even kiss you is because it?s a lot
of fun. I don?t want to do anything more with you, because I know how
you are, especially with Americans. Sorry!? Thinking he?d be over it,
I said it was time to go back inside, but he grabbed me and pulled me
down on a bench. And wanted an explanation. It?s actually pretty
simple, I think. At the very least, if I gave in, I?d have one great
night and then it?d be up in the air if there would be a repeat. And
if we did do more, then I might actually start to believe that there is
more there than just a special friend I have when I?m there. And I
know that is not the case.

My constant begging to return to the party eventually paid off and we
went back into Vendetta in time to turn right back around to go to
Abadía. Beni had found me an entrada, given it away, bought me another
one and Aubrey had bought one for herself.

I went to the bar for a drink. Of water. And thank goodness I stuck
with water after that. Beni pulled me upstairs to the garden again, I
think to convince me of the errors in my thought pattern, and then we
went back downstairs to find Aubrey rapidly making her goodbyes before
storming out. Beni grabbed my arm, telling me that my sister had left
? heaven forbid! ALONE ? and that we needed to go after her. I start
making my goodbyes and Beni said there was no time. So he took off
running after Aubrey and I took off running after him. In the back of
my mind, I thought it was like when Dermot Mulroney ran after Cameron
Diaz and Julia Roberts ran after Dermot in My Best Friend?s Wedding,
but seeing as how that would make ME pathetic, I quickly squashed that
train of thought.

When we finally did catch up with Aubrey, she was completely out of it
and started yelling at me. Beni tried his best to understand and made
her switch to Spanish where she continued to harangue me with insults.
I just smiled. Still drunk and happy. I knew that Aubrey wasn?t mad
at me ? I had barely seen her that night. I guessed it had something
to do with Luis, but I didn?t really care. My night was going
perfectly, Aubrey was safe, and we were going home.

We got to Lolo?s and Aubrey stormed upstairs. Beni and I hit the
couch. A little too quickly, I said it was time to go upstairs. I
heard Aubrey on the phone calling me a bitch with somebody, so
definitely not going into my room. Instead, I chose to do some more
hooking up in Lolo?s second guest room. Some talking. Then some
snoring. So I had to go. I left Beni asleep in that room and crossed
the hall to where Aubrey had long since passed out.

The next morning, I heard Beni wake up and peak his head in to check on
us. I heard him downstairs talking with Lolo, and later I heard Luis
stop by. They must have been talking about Aubrey?s tantrum and
everyone wanted to know if she was feeling better. But we kept to the
house. I only left my room once, to head downstairs to a house full of
people. Within the hour, everyone had left and I went back upstairs
and back to bed. Honestly, how can someone be THAT tired?

When I woke up, it was in time to grab a shower before heading to
Cáceres with Conchy, Aubrey, and Guada. I definitely regret going!
The rebajas must have started early but it was crazy! We waited in
line at one store for nearly two hours and Guada and I waited in
another for a little over one hour. Worth it for two shirts and two
pairs of pajamas? Not to me! But I didn?t want to complain. Needless
to say, I was so tired when I got home, but sucked it up when I heard
we could go out for one drink up at El paseo. I could handle one
drink, I told myself. Just one! AND just a water! But then, the
bartender bought us one shot and Carlos bought us another. Aubrey
still wanted to go home, but I had the ganas to go out again! It?s a
little easier to talk in Spanish when Aubrey?s not there because when
I?m stumbling through my Spanish, everyone lets me struggle until I get
it out, then corrects me, but Aubrey just finishes my sentences. Don?t
misunderstand. Without Aubrey?s help, things would have been a lot
more awkward for me in Trujillo. But also, with her talking for me all
the time, I wasn?t learning anything or talking with anybody. That
night, however, I talked with Tere, Sandra and Mayte without much
effort and had a great time. It wasn?t very busy, but it was nice to
be able to talk with people. Jorge and Beni dropped me off later and I
rested up for our Christmas dinner the next day.

Our cena de navidad was a group of twenty-two people. We started off
with some cañas and then headed to Las Cigüeñas for dinner. Everyone
was dressed to impress ? even more so than New Years. I almost
regretted changing my shirt for one that was less dressy, even though I
was in heels. Javi and Jose sat across from me and Aubrey and Jorge
were next to me, so I could definitely chat it up. We started with
some wine ? alright, a LOT of wine ? and then the appetizers, most of
which Aubrey and I couldn?t eat. But the torta de casar was
incredible. I almost regretted not eating it when Aubrey brought it
back from Spain in May. I guess it?s true, the worse it smells, the
better it tastes. The waiter noticed that Aubrey and I weren?t eating
the meat, so a salad was brought out for us. Not that we needed any
more food to fill up. And then some more food ? filet mignon, steaks,
and grilled hake. Then champagne. Then desert. Then coffee. Then
copas. Right around the coffee time, Isa motioned for me to join her
at the end of the table. We talked for a little bit about her. I
don?t like to talk about me too much with her, because she?s made it
clear for the past three years that she doesn?t want her brother dating
anybody. I don?t think she cares any more because I think she realizes
that each of the girls in Beni?s life are temporary fixtures, but I
didn?t want to press my luck.

After dinner, at around 1 in the morning, we headed to Vendetta to
continue the festivities. And, I regret to say it, I feel like I was
bitten by the jealous bug. Aubrey had told me before that Ana from La
Cumbre has a habit of getting on the Trujillan girls? nerves because
she is so overly affectionate with the boys. Maybe if I hadn?t known
that fact about her, I might not have noticed ? because I?m generally
not a jealous person at all ? but, I did and jealous I was. So rather
than getting mad, I tried to focus on something else and spent the
night talking with some guys I met who were just passing through
Trujillo. This one guy, I forget his name, told me he was a medico, or
at least that?s what I thought. It turns out he?s from México and NOT
a medic, but whatever. He was my diversion. Until he asked me if I
wanted to spend the night with him. And obviously not in engaging
conversation. I said, ?how about you leave me alone until 8 am, and
then we?ll see? thinking that was a pretty obvious way of saying, ?Hmm,
how about no, asshole.? But at 8 am he was back, asking again. I said
I wanted him to leave me alone. Then, when I was really alone, I
looked around to find a companion. And of course, the first people I
saw were Beni and Ana hanging out by the bar. Since it was 8 am,
nobody really noticed that I was annoyed when I said it was time for me
to go home. Aubrey and I left the gang and we headed back home.
The next morning we woke up, visited Victoria at home and then headed
to the Ciudad de Trujillo soccer match. It was pathetic. I can?t even
write about it. Then we went to El Polo to watch the second half of
the Real Madrid v. Villareal game. I sat with Guada and Aubrey, still
ashamed of my moment of weakness the night before, unable to meet
Beni?s eyes. As soon as the game was over, I jumped out of my chair to
leave and head home. But everyone had other plans, so I talked a
little bit with Luis and Beni. Aubrey hung all over Beni, and I hung
all over Luis. Immature, I know, but a good way to still have a good
time without just standing there while he?s still having a good time
talking.

On the way out, I nonchalantly walked by his car to head to Lolo?s,
only to be yelled at by Aubrey to get in the car with Beni. He?d drive
me home. My cheeks were flushed as we began our drive to Lolo?s ?
wait, no? once again an out of the way detour to Beni?s house. He ran
inside and came back out with a present for me. A white scarf from my
first night in Trujillo this trip that a girl we had met together had
thrown at us as we were leaving the bar together. It?s great, perfect
for Prague. He said the scarf that I had been wearing in Trujillo
wouldn?t keep me warm. I had a better chance with this one.

Then we finally went back to Lolo?s house and Angel, Aubrey and Luis
were there. They played this weird card game, I think it was called
tute, where only 40 cards are used, the 8s and 9s are omitted. I was
finally starting to get it and just like that it was time for them to
leave. Luis promised to visit me in Prague in February. And as a
joke, I said he should come for Valentine?s Day. Lolo fired right
back, saying Luis should go to Sevilla for Valentine?s Day and Beni
should go to Prague to visit me. Aubrey and Luis looked at Lolo in
annoyance while Beni and I laughed awkwardly. Needless to say, the
boys took their leave a bit faster after that, much to my relief and
after dinner we went to bed.

The next day we headed to Sevilla. I needed a lot of time to recover
from Trujillo so there weren?t really any crazy shenanigans, just a lot
of walking, some eating, visiting Babylon Idiomas and going for coffee
with some of Aubrey?s friends. I also met about ten of her 17
roommates, watched a lot of Friends, a lot of episodes of Family Guy, a
lot of movies, and Aubrey using my computer. She needed to get the
most out of it before I took it with me to the Czech Republic. We did
do two traditionally Spanish things, though. We went to watch the
Cabalgata procession and I nearly had my eyes taken out by the children
hurling caramelos at us from their floats. We also bought a Roscón de
Reyes to enjoy. It?s basically a nata-filled circular cake with
sugared-fruit on top. A haba, or dried bean, and a figurine are hidden
inside the cake. Normally, it?s eaten on the eve of the Epiphany or
the morning of, but we waited so that more of the roommates would be
there. The saying goes, ?Si el haba lo encontrado, el Roscón pagarás;
mas si ello es la figura, coronado y Rey serás?? It is normally eaten
with hot chocolate, so thank goodness Joanna sent a huge supply for us
to enjoy. Tommaso found the king and Becki found the haba, but we
didn?t make her pay for it.

There was some more general relaxation before I left for Prague. I met
Michelle in the airport in Barça and we flew together to Prague. We
had to wait a few minutes for our landlady to find us and she speaks a
little Spanish! It?s so strange to be in a foreign country where the
language isn?t Spanish. Whenever I didn?t understand her or heard
Czech, my automatic reaction was to switch to Spanish. Not like that
would help, right? Our first night in Prague was relaxing. We
connected to the internet, called our homes, went for a walk around the
Old City in the -11 Celsius weather and had dinner at this tiny
pizzeria. And right now, that?s about all there is to report. Rachel
gets in tomorrow night and Kevin comes next Monday. I can?t wait for
everything to start up and to actually get to know this town!